The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.~Ernest Hemingway

Meditation Forty-Seven

Scattered…

To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.

~Simone Weil

As necessary as it is to explore and take risks, it is equally so to be rooted. We all need an anchor, something to stabilize us when the winds of change blow and scatter our energies.

During major growth spurts, milestones and shifts in personal circumstances, we are vulnerable to losing a sense of groundedness. This is when it’s especially important to reach for the people who provide a sure and steady source of support. They are those who recognize your potential. Understand your limitations. Share your experiences. Respect your boundaries and encourage you. By blood or circumstance, they are your kin. With them, you are home free.

I am both tethered and free—safe, at peace, and most fully myself in the company of kindred souls. With them in my life, I can go anywhere.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

~Steven Wright

Perhaps, at times, we try too hard.

“Fantasy Forest Overworked (left) is the product of attempting to force results. Instead of remaining true to my intention to have fun and let the painting lead the way, I became overly concerned with how the piece would appear to viewers. Long after the initial image had been established I was still brushing, dabbing and scrubbing.

Although I was not immediately happy with this piece, I did come to see it as a light-hearted lesson in remaining true to myself. It’s an ongoing endeavour.

~Painter’s Notes

When we remember that our real job is to simply show up and do our part, things have a way of working out. Not always as imagined. Sometimes, even better.

I occasionally get in my own way. I know it, yet I am confident that in spite of myself, I am emerging.

The cycle of living is living in me.

 

Have you ever wondered if what you have to share is enough? Big enough to be noticed? Good enough to be worthy of another’s time? Special enough to be remembered?

Stop wondering.

What you have to share today is exactly right. Embrace and express it. Whether you are aware of it or not, it does make a difference and will live on in everything you touch—including us, your kin in recovery. Each one of us, in turn and together, emerges from the dark, moves through shadows, reflects light. We are in concert—a melody of doubt and certainty, beginnings and endings, give and take.

What you have is more than enough. Stop wondering, and share.

Beginning now.

“You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

~Max Ehrmann

 

I am. And I have something to share. That’s enough for everyone, including me.

 

Dear Reader,

We may not know each other, but because you have chosen to follow along with the entries on this site, I know that we have traveled common roads.

Like me, you have faced perplexing and painful situations.

Like me, you have reached out for resolution and peace.

We have come quite a distance together through the first forty-nine meditations. The final three, although I hadn’t originally intended it, now stray somewhat from the previous format. As we close this cycle of meditations, I want to express my wishes for your continued journey.

Be well.

Be free.

Be you.

Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.

~Wayne Dyer

May you find, each and every day:

a reason to get up in the morning

a smile when you least expect it

the beat of your heart and a place to dance

hands to hold

your voice

warm feelings that begin in the pit of your stomach and

spread throughout your entire being

sweet memories

everything you need

that all things are possible

and

a miracle

May the grass always be greener on your side of the fence.

I am part of the melody of life. There is nothing I need that I cannot have.


Afraid to fly?

Or could this be

a welcome flight,

a time for me

to hear, to see, to feel my wings

brush gently round the inner things.

 

Yes, here I am, now unafraid,

trusting in the marks I’ve made,

going where, I cannot see,

but moving

through,

and breaking free.

Adapted from “Too Tired to Write” (January 21, 1989)

The process of creating the paintings in this series of meditations helped me through a particularly difficult period of adjustment in my life. This next piece was the last of the series to be completed before proceeding with the written work of Creating Recovery. Entitled “Teaching Me to Fly”, it represents a relatively small, yet profound and deeply personal healing that took place as I painted.

 

For years I dreamt of having a manuscript published, but was afraid of what might happen if I put myself out there. I’ve also been afraid of flying. Even in my dreams.

When I glimpsed the potential for a flying figure in the first wash of Teaching Me to Fly I resisted the image, tried to imagine something different, and when I couldn’t, avoided the painting for weeks. In the end, I knew I had to go with it.

As the figure in the painting came to life, I realized that she was my affirmation of freedom. She was me. Exposed. Vulnerable. Still, very much alive. Arm outstretched, palm up, I am reaching, surrendering, and in forward motion. I have a wing! This is what I’d glimpsed in my mind’s eye. But only when I decided to move with it, bring it to light, and became willing to share it, did I really see. In my own way, I was flying.

My wish is for you to claim your freedom. Bring to light the life that waits in that small, dark corner of your imagination. Even if the very thought makes you tremble. Hear, see, feel your wings. Create your recovery, and be free.

 

I might only be flying with one wing yet, but I’m flying.

I   am   flying!

 

 

The journey begins each day anew.

May yours be joyful,

engaging,

infused with light.

Rise gently. Go softly.

Recovering is a journey of reclaiming ourselves and our place in the world. Rarely is it made in straight lines. Thankfully, recovery is also a creative process. So, no matter how far down the road you travel, there is hope, because you are a creative being. I wish for you to know that, and to remember:

You are a valued member of an extraordinary group of beings.

Your experience is priceless.

Your gifts are needed.

Rise gently, with dignity and compassion.

Go softly, mindfully, through the shadows.

One moment, one day at a time, create recovery,

come into your own,

and be you.

Pass it on.

I am among the softest of the soft, the strongest of the strong. My life bends with the winds of change, but I shall endure. I am nothing short of an inspiration.


Queries about Creating Recovery © 2011 by M K Maxted are welcome.

Email @  creatingrecovery@gmail.com

By blending the breath of the sun and the shade,

true harmony comes into the world.

~Tao Te Ching

 

The Dark/Light Meditations and the paintings that accompany them (had, in fact, inspired them) are called:

One: go softly (dark)

Two : From the Ashes

Three: A field of contentment

Four: Abundance

Five: Unfamiliar Landscapes

Six: Trees for the Forest

Seven: One

Eight: what shape are your lines?

Nine: Writing in the Dark

Ten: Common Roots

Eleven: Anywhere but here…

Twelve: Paradise is overrated

Thirteen: Walk on the wild side

Fourteen: Ocean of Emotion

Fifteen: Support

Sixteen: Breathing

Seventeen: Let a little sunshine in

Eighteen: Cold

Nineteen: Rise

Twenty: Take good care of your Dream Horse

Twenty-One: just keep swimming

Twenty-Two: Freeing the Elephant

Twenty-Three: Morning

Twenty-Four: You are a little bit of Heaven

Twenty-Five: Promise

Twenty-Six: Rainbow Watch

Twenty-Seven: Start Small, Think BIG

Twenty-Eight: Spring Flowers

Twenty-Nine: bloom gently

Thirty: grow your own way

Thirty-One: this little light

Thirty-Two: Time Out

Thirty-Three: Dark Trees

Thirty-Four: Positive Vibrations

Thirty-Five: Dancing in the Dark

Thirty-Six: Celebrate Your Senses

Thirty-Seven: Plant Bundling

Thirty-Eight: Scratching the Surface

Thirty-Nine: The Big Picture

Forty: Life imitates life

Forty-One: Groomed for Wildness

Forty-Two: Trust your instincts

Forty-Three: Solitude

Forty-Four: Dry Bloom

Forty-Five: Weeds

Forty-Six: Enjoy the fruits of your labor

Forty-Seven: Scattered

Forty-Eight: Fantasy Forest Overworked

Forty-Nine: Blooms From the Shadows

Fifty: May the grass always be greener

Fifty-One: Teaching Me to Fly

Fifty-Two: go softly (light)

Point of interest: The paintings weren’t created in this order but arranged afterwards to suit the purposes of the series.

If I can’t make it through one door,

I’ll go through another door—or I’ll make a door.

~Rabindranath Tagore

 

Never ask whether you can do something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow.

~Julia Cameron

The “I” statements at the bottom of each Dark/Light Meditation in Section I are affirmations. If you find any of them particularly meaningful, copy and display them where you will see them frequently. These short phrases have the power to change your life by changing the way you think. This is not an overnight process, which is why it’s important to expose your mind to the message repeatedly, even if you do not read the entire phrase at each pass. Absorbing its essence will help your thinking to become more positive. Thinking more positively will build your confidence and help you move in the direction of your desires.

It sounds almost too simple to be effective but it really works. Healing does take place with the use of affirmations. You can use mine, or create your own.

When I was working through Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, I followed her suggestion of writing affirmations at the bottom of my journal entries. For a while I wrote those she had provided. Then I began to invent some that targeted specific obstacles in my personal journey. The act of creating these new perspectives, and then rehearsing them was empowering.

Did I get where I wanted to go? Many times. You can too.

Creating Your Affirmation

Step 1. Identify your need.

Think of something you aspire to, either a situation you’d like resolved or a dream you long to come true.

Step2. Identify your obstacle(s).

What beliefs and feelings keep you from getting to where you want to go? If that’s not obvious to you now, take some time to explore the possibilities through painting or writing. Allow yourself to vent, doodle and ask questions.

Let’s say, for example, that you have an issue with the behavior of a significant person in your life. You want to confront this individual, but you’re not sure that you can. What would keep you from expressing your thoughts and feelings? Worry that you would look foolish? That your concerns will appear trivial? Fear that the person might say or do something hurtful in return? That the relationship might end and you’d be lost without him or her?

Once you’ve identified what’s holding you back, you can take the next step towards changing how you see your self, your relationships, your life.

Step 3. Get it out in front where you can see it.

In your journal or on a blank sheet of paper, draw a vertical line to create two columns. On the left side make a list of the beliefs/feelings that block your way. Choose words that reflect your specific situation. Trust your instincts, and go with those that come immediately into your conscious thoughts.

Step 4. Identify positive personal qualities.

In the right hand column, across from each belief/feeling, name at least one positive quality that would help you overcome your apprehensions. This may be something you imagine to be lacking within yourself but recognize as a desirable quality.

Sample Chart

Beliefs/Feelings                                                 Positive Qualities

I’ll say something I would regret Sensitive, articulate, compassionate, loving
My concerns are trivial Worthy, valid, genuine
I feel timid, weak, helpless Powerful, strong, self-sufficient, competent
I’m afraid to be alone Courageous, daring, bold, independent
No one will want me Desirable, lovable, loved

Step 5. Create a new perspective.

Using the sentiments expressed in your own chart, fill the blanks in the following statement:

If I could have my way, I would feel (select a Positive Quality from the right hand column), instead of feeling (the corresponding Belief/Feeling in the left hand column).

Rewrite the statement, this time using only the portion that expresses your Positive Quality:

I would feel (Positive Quality).

Now claim that feeling, make it a part of you. Write it again in the present tense, as if you were actually feeling it this very minute (punctuate for emphasis, if you like, with an exclamation mark):

I am (Positive Quality)!

You have just created an affirmation, “a positive statement that something is already happening” (Jeffers, 1987). Say it out loud. Write it out several times. Put it on a sticky note or one of your paintings, and place it in a spot where you’ll see it frequently.

It may seem phony or inaccurate, at least for the time being. Don’t try to deny your true response. Instead, be willing to accept new feelings and perspectives. In time you will do more than affirm how truly amazing you are. You will know. With practice you will do more than affirm the goodness life has to offer. You will live it.