Creating Recovery

Meditation One

Beginnings are apt to be shadowy…

~Rachel Louise Carson

In dawn’s early light shadows are abundant. Lines between yesterday and today are blurred. Senses are flooded. Thoughts are tangled. The road ahead is unclear.

This is the beginning of a new day. Rise gently. Go softly.

Early in the process of a major change we experience both hope and doubt. The future beckons while yesterday follows closely at our heels. As our eyes first attempt to focus in the changing light, we conjure up all sorts of distortions.

I can’t do this.

It’s not worth it.

If I could only go back to where I was…

Maybe I just need to get away.

The tension in the shadows may tempt you to retreat into the past, or rush forward towards tomorrow. Where you need to be, however, is right where you are. Moving through shadows. Making transitions from dark to light. Creating new life from old.

Creating recovery.

One foot in front of the other, you can go anywhere.

I am where I need to be. I can do this, one moment, one step at a time.

Meditation Two

The wild fire of the forest will never burn out

the grass of the fields.

When the wind blows in spring, the shoots

will rise again.

~Poem from

The Simple Art of Chinese Calligraphy by Qu Lei Lei

The dream of tomorrow may be built on the ruins of yesterday.

Beginnings often mean the end of life as we knew it. Our relationships with familiar people, places and things are shifting. We hardly recognize ourselves. And although we may appear calm on the surface, deep down we are terrified and, perhaps, heartbroken. Of course we are. The fires of change have swept through our lives and we are scorched, raw, consumed.

Have you given yourself permission to grieve?

Allow yourself to mourn your losses, to feel the burn of anger, denial, confusion and fear. Prepare to let go of what was. Whether you’re aware of it or not, necessary changes are taking place, for new beginnings mean the end of life as you knew it…but not the end of life.

As you survey the charred landscape of your world, seek out signs of growth. Hold onto them. Nurture them. You may not know how, or even believe it is possible, but you can—from the ashes—build new dreams. You can build a new life.

I now allow myself to grieve, to heal, and to imagine myself at home in my new life.

Meditation Three

Confidence in the future is rooted in the present moment, within us. If we are at least willing to try to imagine all that we can be, change is already in progress.

A field of contentment somewhere yet unknown

lies quietly waiting for thoughts I have sown.

These lines are excerpts from a poem written when I was in an abusive relationship. The poem was a wish for the freedom to be fully myself, and an affirmation that it was, somehow, possible. I didn’t realize it then, but I was preparing for a major transformation. Less than a year later I was ready to begin building a new life for my children and me.  ~ Painter’s Notes

Affirmations are demonstrations of faith, of acting on the premise that something exists without burden of proof. It seems contradictory that in our most insecure moments we would believe that all is possible. It is, however, when we need most to reach for our highest good, to place faith in ourselves.

The power to become the truest version of yourself lies within.

Declare it.

It IS already so.

The seeds of my best self are already sown.

All I have dreamt of becoming, I am.

Meditation Four

Let your heart awaken to the transforming power of gratefulness.

~Sarah Ban Breathnach

The biggest pumpkin takes the prize but it’s the patch that lights up the sky.

When life bestows a big miracle such as a reunion with a long-lost love, an unexpected windfall or some life-altering insight, we feel that all is right with the universe. Expressions of gratitude spring readily to our lips. Life is beautiful.

The ordinary pales in comparison.

It’s easy to overlook the small blessings that make up our everyday experience: a warm breeze, a refreshing beverage, a good story. Life satisfaction, however, depends on them. Although the big things change the course of our journey, it’s the little things that sustain and keep us moving forward.

Recovery is fueled by a sense of being nurtured on a consistent basis. You can gain this awareness by acknowledging the commonplace things in your presence.

Focus daily, for just a few moments, on your personal experience of prosperity and soon you will realize that your needs are being met. Here and now. Each and every day. Life is beautiful.

What good things have come your way today?

I am grateful for_____________, ___________ and_______________.

Meditation Five

I feel so out of place.

Early in times of great change, social settings can be intimidating. The surroundings–even if previously known–might seem strange, foreign, surreal.

No one here really cares what I’m feeling and thinking. Do they?

You may feel that you don’t have the right to express yourself or ask for what you need. And would just as soon slip quietly underground and pull the earth in over your head.

Don’t go there. Don’t bury yourself. Reach out.

Creating recovery involves occasionally moving outside of your comfort zone. Risk it.  Learn to ask. Dare to share. These are not only hallmarks of growth but surefire ways of connecting with others. The odds of discovering you’re not alone are in your favour.

My impressions and my needs are valid. And I’m not alone.

Meditation Six

It takes all of your courage to be the person you are,

to fulfill your odd and unique possibilities.

~Dawna Markova

Sometimes it’s hard to see the trees for the forest. A closer look reveals that each tiny seedling, each tall giant, even (and maybe especially) each twisted, weathered limb of deadfall, has a beauty all its own.

Many of us, in varying stages of recovering, develop a hunger for knowledge of our condition and for the companionship of those who understand. We read literature, join groups, form new relationships. In the process of figuring out where we now fit in the scheme of things, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

As we let go of once-familiar habits and become part of a new community, we may experience a temporary loss of identity. Life is different. We are changed.

Still, we are not lost to ourselves.

Like the trees in a forest, we are individuals within a collective—connected, yet apart.

As a complex being with a unique personality, history, and sensibilities, there is much more to you than even you can immediately realize. For now, just know that you are emerging. Intact. Whole. A necessary part of the larger picture.

Pain challenges me, but it does not define me. I am an individual, a whole person, with gifts to share.

Meditation Seven

Play

Study

Ask

Dance

Express

Make mess

Cry

Say yes

Laugh

If you could paint your whole self, what would we see?

Much of who you are is hidden from view. Yet, you are every bit as much mind and spirit as you are body. Your thoughts, dreams and energies are as real as the beat of your heart, and you cannot survive without them.

In the daily round of meeting your physical needs, remember that you are not  bits of flesh and bone. You are not an idea or a feeling. You are a multi-faceted, whole person.

Take care to ensure that your intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual needs are met also.

I commit to the challenge of recovering a whole person–me.

Meditation Eight

boundary n. (pl. -ies) a line marking the limits of an area, territory, etc.*

Where do you begin and end?

Because people are interdependent, everything in our experience depends on the shape of our relationships to others. Deciding where to draw personal boundaries and when to push them can be an additional cause of distress for those of us trying to figure out where we begin and end.

Two of the most important things to learn in early recovery are when to say yes and when to say no.

Just for today, say yes to your own needs. Get help if you need it. Say no to shame. You are human.

Just for today, say yes to a break from the excessive demands of others. Say no to guilt. You still care. But you are now doing your part by learning to care for yourself. In time, you will be more prepared to give.

Creating my recovery is the best thing I can do for myself, and for others. Just for today, that is my first priority.

*The Canadian Oxford Compact Dictionary

Meditation Nine

How can I know what I think till I see what I say?

~E. M. Forster

Creating recovery is an interactive process. We cannot merely absorb information. We must also give expression to our thoughts and feelings.

How, you may ask, do I go about doing that if I don’t even know what I want to express? Begin. Simply begin.

Setting pen (or brush) to paper without a plan might seem haphazard. It is. In a very real sense it’s like writing in the dark. This is a good thing. You need dark to show light. Your dark. Your light.

As you explore the unknown landscape of your inner world, shafts of insight will penetrate the darkness. You will bring forth the light within—your sensibilities, passions and dreams. You will discover and shape the course of your journey, and realize that there is no one better qualified to do this. You are the designer. The lines, colors and textures are your own. The journey is yours to take, and to make.

Through the art of expression you will find your voice and recover the most precious commodity you have to offer the world: yourself.

Today I am tuning my ear to the soft whisperings of my heart, and giving all critics the day off. When, at last, I look over what has come to light I will see that I DO have something to say.

Meditation Ten

The essence of the beautiful is unity in variety.
~W. Somerset Maugham

Each of us has a unique genetic makeup. We do not have to examine our individual DNA to know that. We don’t look or act exactly the same. We have different personalities, abilities and sensibilities. We often disagree. Yet, for all our differences, we are bound together by a significant common quality: our humanity.

Being human means belonging to an enormous group of social, physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual beings—a cluster of whole persons within a larger whole. We are tethered and free. Is there not something both comforting and exciting in that knowledge?

You are free to emerge in distinct lines and bold colors. To explore, express and claim your place in the world. And when you fall short, you only have to remember that you are not alone. Though you may not see it, the rest of us are right here with you.

I am unique and I belong.